This is hilarious—I don’t even have kids, but I’ve lost count of how many friends have told me to try raising myself as if I were my own child.

Parent-child relationships, romantic relationships, your relationship with yourself—honestly, they’re probably not all that different at their core.

It’s fascinating how, once you hit your thirties, you still want to explore the world outwardly, but there’s also this growing urge to look inward and understand your inner world. Whether it’s neuroscience, psychology, religion, philosophy, or even mysticism, you just want to dive in and explore.

Humans can grow, change, regress, or stagnate—it’s all possible. I like to think I still have room to grow. Maybe I’m a bit slow at it, but I’m optimistic. Sure, yesterday I might’ve been a jerk, but tomorrow I want to be someone more emotionally stable and well-rounded.

Yesterday, a friend sent me a course on parent-child relationships. As I read through it, I suddenly felt like a lot of the advice was about learning to re-parent yourself.

And it makes sense. When you’re barely keeping your head above water, it’s hard to save someone else gracefully.

Emotional Management Strategies in Parent-Child Relationships

Step 1: Address Your Own Fatigue and Stress Before Talking to Your Child

Self-Care

If you’re feeling occasional fatigue (like after work), it’s not the best time to dive into a conversation with your child—especially about serious or anxiety-inducing topics.

Take a moment to fully relax first. Adopt a “reward yourself” mindset and prioritize your physical and mental well-being. Use positive incentives, like a hot bath, good food, or a treat, to ease your fatigue and stress.

Sleep Quality

Your mood is heavily influenced by your circadian rhythm.

In addition to improving your sleep quality through various means, develop an awareness of how sleep impacts your emotions. For example:

If you find yourself irritable or impulsive, reflect on whether poor sleep (last night or recently) might be the culprit.

This way, you might realize that the issue isn’t necessarily with your child but rather with how your sleep quality is affecting your perception.

Exercise

Exercise stimulates and balances the release of various chemicals in your brain.

It enhances your:

Focus
Sense of balance
Willpower
Confidence in facing challenges

Step 2: Learn to Recognize Biological Feedback—from Yourself, Your Child, and Between the Two of You

Certain areas of the brain are specifically designed to process signals from different parts of the body.

These biological signals can easily trigger interpretations and emotions, so it’s important to learn how to objectively interpret and “use” these signals.

Handling Negative Signals Accurately

For example, if your child accidentally hurts you, express it precisely:

“Mom is in pain!”

Avoid saying:

“What’s wrong with you?!”

Pain is a primal reaction, and both adults and children can empathize with it.

On the flip side, when your child is emotional (and may struggle to express it), you can proactively ask if they’re experiencing physical discomfort, such as:

Hunger
Dizziness
Fatigue

Using Positive Facial Expressions and Body Language

In parent-child relationships, consistently using positive gestures—like smiling or hugging—can convey a warm and steady belief:

“We may make mistakes, but we can always face them together.”

These positive expressions and gestures also send reinforcing feedback to your brain.

Practice

First, try a “fake smile”: lift the corners of your mouth without moving any other muscles.

Then, try a “genuine smile”: lift the corners of your mouth while also contracting the muscles around your eyes.

Notice the subtle differences in how each makes you feel.

Breathing and Relaxation Exercises

Learn diaphragmatic breathing techniques for relaxation.

Practice tensing your muscles for a few seconds, then exhaling gently and letting the muscles relax.

Pay special attention to relaxing the muscles in your face and shoulders.

Step 3: Challenge Your “Bad Emotional Habits”

Let Go of “Creator Mentality” and Other Harmful Fixed Beliefs

Some parents scold or even hit their children, driven by thoughts like:

“This is my child; I have the right to discipline them!” “I grew up this way too.”

Once these flawed beliefs become habits, the rational brain stops evaluating, and impulsive behavior takes over.

“You think you’re the creator, but really, your rational brain has clocked out.”

Accept Imperfection—in Yourself and Your Child

Remember:

“Every imperfect behavior is part of the growth process.”

This applies to both parents and children.

Especially since a child’s rational brain isn’t fully developed yet, their likelihood of making mistakes is very high.

Use Positive Reinforcement Whenever Possible

Positive reinforcement can effectively stimulate the brain’s chemistry, calming emotions and guiding behavior. For example, if your child makes a mistake and you want to explain it to them, first ensure their emotions are stable (perhaps by giving them a hug). This triggers positive brain chemistry, putting them in a receptive state rather than a defensive one. Once they’re calm, explain the mistake and demonstrate the correct behavior. Similarly, parents can use self-care, sunlight, and exercise to practice positive reinforcement on themselves.

Strive for “Mood Alignment”

Mood

Your current feelings, emotions, and behaviors

Alignment

The situation at hand, specific plans, and meaningful actions or words

Use your rational brain to assess the situation and deconstruct your emotions, guiding your behavior accordingly.

Avoid letting your emotional brain dictate your actions, and don’t let your emotional brain engage with your child’s emotional brain.